i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
