dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
