ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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