she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
