everyone is single if you try hard enough
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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