I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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