I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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