my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
