Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
