May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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