it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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