So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Still dying that you shit outside
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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