You just made me feel so damn special
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
