she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
