Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
