Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
