Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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