somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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