I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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