This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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