I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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