soooo we both peed the bed last night...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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