I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
