in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
