And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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