A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
