take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize