He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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