ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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