Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
