Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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