You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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