i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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