happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
