My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
