I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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