don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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