i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
