I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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