I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
