you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
