Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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