That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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