I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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