I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
