the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
God, I missed his penis.
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