yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
