the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize