btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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