Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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