You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize