yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
