your parents love me but you hate me
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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