I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
