I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
