Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
