She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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