yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
