Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
