I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
