So drunk, too bad you don't want this
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
