I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
