a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I checked into jail on foursquare
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
