I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
