I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize
