once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize