eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize