When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize